As the school year comes to a close, I am getting sad about leaving my school. For the past 2 years, I have gone through this same process of really wanting to leave my school starting at about February. I really gained momentum in my search in March and April. Usually by June, I am once again resigned to stay another year and fine with it. The end of the year happens so quickly and the atmosphere in schools is usually more laid back. There are more social events happening like baby showers and parties, etc. So, I do still feel that sense of "I can make it another year," but that feeling I had in February keeps me in check and reminds me why I have made the decision to leave.
The same old craziness and lack of advocacy for children continues, but I'm just able to think each time "I won't have to deal with this anymore." When the weather is so hot and we are sweating it out in the overheated classrooms, I think of my new school with it's air conditioning and think "I won't have to deal with this anymore." When I'm on the train in the morning and it's so delayed I decide to just get off and walk 15 blocks rather than waiting to transfer for the 3rd time, same thing "I won't have to deal with this anymore." When the super of the building next to my school and his buddies are standing around shirtless as I exit the building and cat call me, same feeling. When I almost step on a rat on my way in in the morning, I do still wonder if this may be a problem in my new placement as well. You get the idea.
I have worked so hard for the last 5 years and have committed myself to this place regardless of all of the problems both internal and external and it is very sad to leave. I am beyond devastated to leave behind my trusted colleagues, but when I think about how many have already left (I am the 8th to leave out of my little group in 3 years), I am saddened for the loss at my school and for those who are staying behind. I just hope everything will be okay and things will improve. I'm tired of fighting for it. I guess I've sort of given up in terms of my role in changing the school. I am also really sad to leave the families and siblings that I have worked with for years. I know they are counting on me to be there, but I know I will have a new class of students with families and siblings who will count on me once again.